The Life and Times of a Hotel Desk Clerk

Hey folks! My name is Brooke and I have finally decided to share my experiences as a hotel desk clerk with YOU. While reading some of these stories, some of you might start to think I'm just a hood rat working at some sketchball motel in the middle of a backwoods ghetto. Let me be very clear: I am not a hood rat working at some sketchball motel. Quite the opposite in fact. Yes, the hotel I work at could be construed as being sketchy after all the stories I'm going to spill, but it's actually a pretty nice 3 star hotel in a small college town. I see people from all walks of life every single day, each with their own laughable and sometimes god awful personalities. Most of these Ho-Tales are going to be about the guests, but don't forget about housekeeping! We have such a colorful housekeeping staff at the hotel that I hear and see more crazy shit go down in the laundry room than you could even wrap your head around. I have only worked in the hotel business for 7 months and all I can say is people are nuts!

Let's start the morning off with a BANG, literally:
I got to work at 7 a.m. and like always, I try to be perky and just a giant ray of sunshine because I know that's the only way to get through 51 checkouts. Checkouts might be the worst shift because that's when all the complaints come rolling in, but nonetheless, I was bright eyed and bushy tailed. At exactly 7:34 a.m., these 3 people come to the front desk. My sketchball radar immediately started blaring.  It's two guys and one girl. They were all 3 high out of their minds, which was obvious to see and smell. One guy was around my age (mid 20s) and the other man was straight up grandpa status. I wanted to tell him to go home, change his depends and stop trying to roll with the youngens but for obvious reasons, I couldn't. The girl that was standing quietly in between the two of them looked like a crackhead. Not because she was shady but because she was about the size of broomstick and being all twitchy and shit. She was also super paranoid of me having her ID on file, which is standard protocol when people pay in cash, which they did because they claimed to not have any credit cards for me to put on file to use for incidentals (sketchball radar gets louder and louder). Anyway, the younger guy started telling me he needed a room but I couldn't really understand anything he was saying because he was mumbling and talking so low, so the old man stepped in. Apparently they needed a room for just a few hours (radar: BEEP, BEEP, BEEP). So I offered them the half day rate, which they accepted and decided to pay in cash. I'm thinking... alright... almost there, just get them a room and some keys. So then I ask, "Would you like a room with one or two beds?" This is when the younger guy decided to step back in, "Yo, we just need one bed so we can get our freak on, y'know?" WHHYYYY? Why is it always me?! First, I don't know because I don't check into hotel rooms for 2 hours at a time to have some guy dog me out. Second, that poor girl. I'm positive she had a train ran on her and I don't know who I feel worse for. Her for being in such a terrible situation or me for knowing there was a man my age and a man my father's age running a train on a crackhead that couldn't have been more than 18 or 19. Seriously, that is one room I didn't want to have to inspect when they checked out.

Bitch:
So a few hours later, breakfast started clearing out and I was trying to get all of the paperwork in order. All of a sudden, I heard a loud crash and looked up to see what all of the commotion was. This lady was apparently trying to carry a few cups of coffee out to her car when she dropped one of them. What does she do about this accident? She looked at me and said "Oops!" and just kept walking out of the door. Sure, I'll be happy to clean that up. Bitch! I hope she spilled the other coffees in her lap while she was driving down the interstate.

That's really all I have for tonight, but tomorrow is a whole new day. Until then... :)