Shitty Day

Children are disgusting:
While reading this post, keep in mind that I love children. I was a nanny, I taught preschool and all of my money in high school came from babysitting so I understand how gross and slimy kids can be but this takes the cake. It was breakfast time so the lobby was filled with people! Even the meeting room that we use for extra seating during busy weeks was almost full, so there was no way this was getting past anyone. I noticed a toddler walking around by himself, but assumed his parents must be in the lobby somewhere keeping an eye on him because that's what any good parent would be doing, right? A few minutes later, I see an old lady staring at something right below the desk and looking horrified. I ran around the desk to see what was wrong and there he was! The toddler was in the middle of the lobby, pants to his ankles, bunked over letting the shit just fly out of his ass right on the marble floor! HE WAS SHITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LOBBY! And not just a few solid terds either. This kid had some runny, squishy, green crap exploding out of his asshole! Can you even imagine? I didn't know what to do because first, I didn't want to grab some random child and second, I didn't want to grab some random child with shit gushing out of his asshole! I thought his parents would be rushing over, but the longer I waited, I realized that they weren't coming. It was up to me to stop the shit water fountain that was this little boy's balloon knot. Everyone was doing one of three things: gasping, gagging or laughing hysterically. The ones laughing were mostly men, while all of the women looked so disgusted they didn't even want to eat anymore. The little boy didn't even seem to register that what was happening was wrong because the more the men howled with laughter, the bigger he grinned and the more he shit!! I couldn't pick the kid up during his dookie making business so I just had to concede and let it happen. I prayed that someone would turn up and claim him as their child but that didn't happen until maybe 15 minutes later and he had his last little squirt of sickly colored diarrhea. This woman came down the hallway and said, "Oh thank goodness he's down here! He wandered off from us." It was like she didn't even see the massive poop parfait her son had just left in the lobby and when she finally acknowledged it, her response was, "He does stuff like this all the time! Isn't he the cutest?" I don't give a fuck how cute you think a kid is, but there is NOTHING cute about some kid defecating in a hotel lobby. I wouldn't even let my dog shit in the floor, much less my kid! Not to mention if there are 70+ people watching him do it!! After everything that happened, she didn't even offer to help clean it up! She just walked away to eat her breakfast while the janitor cleaned it up. All I can say is, today I learned a whole new meaning to "having a shitty day."

Oh, Don't be Ants at a Picnic!

Ants in your pants... er... room, rather:
So I know I haven't posted in a while but I've been busy getting promoted!! Yay, right?! Wrong! Sure, they pay me more but I really don't think they pay me enough. When you get 'Manager' added to your name tag, it really seems to bring the crazy out in people. They immediately start demanding money off or complaining about the tiniest things because unlike the other employees, I no longer have my safety net of "Oh, I'm sorry! I'm not authorized to take 50 cents off of your bill, you cheap asshole, you'll have to talk to a manager!" I still work my desk shifts 3-4 times a week so the wackos make sure I'm more than entertained on a daily basis. I was working the evening shift last night and this man approached me with a complaint about having "two ants in his room." Obviously, having ants in your hotel room is not okay but I was confused that he said "two," implying that he actually counted them. Not only did he specify the number (two) but he had also taken a picture of them (on the window sill) to make sure he had enough evidence to get his room discounted. Of course, I discounted it and apologized but thought nothing else of it. He came back down around 2 hours later and I swear to God, what he said next made him the biggest screwball ever in my opinion. "I wanted to make you aware that I followed those (TWO!) ants to find out where they were coming from and it looks like they're crawling in from the window sill and just staying right along a path in front of the air conditioner." I just stared at him with a blank expression on my face. Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy that he had ants in his room even if it was only two, but the fact that he actually went back to his room and FOLLOWED the ants to find out where they were coming from and going blew my mind. Are you kidding me?! I told him I'd make sure the maintenance was informed about the little guys and apologized again. You'd think it was over, right? No. For the rest of the night, every single time he walked through the lobby, he updated me on the ants and their progress from the window to the air conditioner and back again! Thank you, freak, but I don't give a shit about these ants anymore. At this point I had already taken half off his room, offered to move him and told him someone would be in the room tomorrow to assess the situation (if you can even call it that). My only wish was that the ants would get all their little ant friends together and carry their stalker far, far away. Whatever. Just another weirdo!