Lessons Learned the Hard Way

Hungover hotel hell:
Seriously, word to the wise: do not drink a lot if you have to work the next day! I went to a party Friday night because one of my good friends was celebrating the big 3-0 and I definitely had a little too much to drink. I fell twice which ruined one of my knees and one of my ankles, I woke up to chewed up stilettos because I didn't put my puppy up after walking him and I couldn't move without feeling slightly sick. Needless to say I was pretty much useless and didn't know how the hell I was going to work an 8 hour shift with people whining and complaining about the dumbest shit. Somehow, I made it work on time although I looked pretty rough. Pony tail, no makeup and a college t shirt. Not my best look! Anyway, the people started to come check in and of course they were all picky assholes. "Can we switch rooms? We don't like the view!," "Can we have more towels?," "Can we.. can we.. can we...!" I was about to lose my mind running around the hotel like a crazy person. Finally, the rush was over and I sat down to eat my lo mein. While I was stuffing my face, this guy comes to the desk to HIT ON ME. Really? I look like a dog and I'm stuffing my face with chinese food and this is the moment you choose to hit on me? I brushed him off because he looked like he might be a serial killer and then went back to eating when all of a sudden I hear yelling at the pool. Before I go on, let me give you the back story. Friday night there was a pretty heated argument between two guests at the pool. This crazy fat lady and her husband wanted to lay by the pool and read but there were children playing marco polo and splashing around. I mean, that's what kids do when they're in a pool. Instead of asking the parents in a polite way to maybe get their kids to play a little quieter, this lady starts yelling in the dad's face and demanding he leave with his "demon children." Of course, the guy gets mad and starts yelling horrible things back to her and it just got worse and worse. Finally, I broke them up and they parted ways. I assumed it was all over but just as I sat back down Saturday night to eat my lo mein, I heard the yelling and, of course, it was the crazy fat lady. Only this time, she was yelling at someone else! I was so hungover, I just prayed for it to stop but I knew I was going to have to walk down there and calm her down once again. I got to the pool and the beastly lady that was yelling is in the face of some small woman, but she didn't look like she was backing down any time soon. Apparently, there were two little girls in the pool splashing and instead of going to the mom (the small woman), the beast started yelling at the children. I'm not a mom, but I know if some stranger was SCREAMING at my kids, I would beat her ass. These two women just would not stop arguing and I could tell it was getting worse and worse. I knew eventually someone would start swinging so I just kept telling them to calm down and that the pool was for ALL hotel guests, including children. Then the crazy lady turned on me. She was threatening to check out early and never come back -- LIKE I GIVE A FUCK LADY! Then, all of a sudden she threw a pool chair in the pool... WITH KIDS IN IT!! I had to ask her to leave the pool area and when she kept saying no, I told her I would have to call the police to escort her out. Finally, she went back to her room, came back downstairs and checked out early. She was yelling and swearing at me the whole time and then she had the nerve to ask me for all her money back. HAHAHAHAHAH!! I'm hungover, pissed off and annoyed and you think I'm going to be generous and give you your money back after you just called me a "motherfucking bitch?" Get the fuck out! I wish she would have kept yelling so I could have her ass toted off by the cops because she was a piece of work. The funniest part of the whole argument at the pool was when one of the dads stepped in and said "Ma'am, you're getting really worked up and I'm scared you're going to have a heart attack. I mean, you're not exactly in shape are you?" Oooooh, man! I 'bout died but I knew I couldn't laugh. That was when she went back to her room to pack up, actually, so I should have thanked that guy. Needless to say, I've learned my lesson about drinking the night before work. The crazy stuff always happens when I'm the least capable of handling it.

Ah, The Little Things...

Don't sweat the small stuff:
With a job like mine, there's rarely a day that I don't hear someone complain. People come to me with EVERY complaint you could possibly think of. Just this week, a guy found ONE ant at the end of the breakfast bar near the syrup and proceeded to FLIP HIS SHIT. He yelled at the front desk clerk, threatened to call DOH and started taking several pictures of the ant in question. Finally, he gets to me... the manager. I calmed him down and assured him that our breakfast bar gets A ratings in health inspections and we are very clean but sometimes one little ant just happens to slip through the cracks. Anyway, my point is... it doesn't take much to set people off but it takes a miracle to get them to calm down. Well, my miracle came through today! Some asshole was in my face this morning complaining about getting overcharged $1.23!  <--- THAT'S ONE DOLLAR AND 23 CENTS, FOLKS --- And when I say complaining, I mean YELLING. It was nothing short of ridiculous, really. The thing that amazed me the most was, I had already apologized and refunded the $1.23 and he just kept going on and on about it. Well, I noticed another guest was watching the scene and I didn't want someone to complain about some maniac in the lobby bitching about money so I was slowly moving the conversation out of the lobby and lowering my voice when all of a sudden this other guest walks right up to me and the gentlemen with the financial complaint. He didn't even say anything to me but turned to the angry cheapskate and simply said "Man, haven't you ever heard not to sweat the small stuff?," pulled out a 5 dollar bill, handed it to the guy and walked out of the hotel lobby into the parking lot. I was STUNNED! I didn't know how Mr. Penny Pincher was going to react so I braced myself for the worst. I mean, some RANDOM man walked right up to this man, gave him $5 and basically told him to chill the fuck out. Instead of getting mad and ranting on, the guy just turned red, apologized and left. HOLY COW!! Are you serious? That's all it takes to get someone to stop being a complete douche? I have no idea who the miracle worker is, but God bless him and his $5!

Jeepers Creepers, Peeper

Peeping tom:
We've had a few incidents recently, where our first floor guests come to the desk complaining that a strange man knocking on or being right outside of their window.  At first we thought it might just be a teenager playing pranks or just someone who wasn't getting enough attention but then we got an alarming call from a hotel nearby telling us there was a man who tried to break into one of their first floor rooms through the window! Of course, we started making sure every window was locked and we always check ID when someone asks for a key card to a room but there are some things we just can't control. So many people filter in and out of the lobby all day, it's hard to tell who's a guest and who's not. I mean, people are always having friends and family stop by or drop in when they stay here so it's really hard to keep up with people coming in and out. Please keep in mind that I can only control the keys. Even after upping security a bit, we were still getting complaints of a man knocking on room windows and then came the complaints about notes. This jackass had started taping notes to the windows that had some pretty perverted sayings on them and apparently he came inside the hotel and slid a note under some little old lady's door that said "FOR A GOOD TIME COME TO ROOM 320." Of course, we had to check room 320 which was in as vacant . We went up to the room just to be sure and it hadn't been touched. Well, after several notes and complaints we knew something had to be done! Lucky for us, right before we started interviewing for security, we got a phone call from another hotel saying the man had been caught. Let me tell you how! This nutter broke into one the rooms at the other hotel and was sitting in the room naked, waiting for someone to be checked into it. A housekeeper over there happened to notice that the door was ajar and she was the one to walk in and find him. I just thank God every single day that I was not the one who had to deal with a naked, crazy man breaking into our hotel room!