Random Thoughts During First Shift

This post is dedicated to my thoughts during 1st shift. I will simply write the thought as it comes to me and not the story behind it....


Ooo... a slow morning. Only 3 checkouts?! I'm going to read allllll day and pretend like it's work.


My boyfriend got into origami for a hot minute after watching prison break. I bet he'll like today's Google. I should email him.


Barely 8 a.m. and I have to deal with fucking sex offenders.


Please don't rape me.


That guy looks like a giant balloon knot. .... Ooooh! He is a giant balloon knot. 



Really, why am I even working here? Do I even need money? I could live off of water and crumbs I find in couch cushions. I guess I would need shoes though. Damn shoes.

Don't walk over here... don't walk over here... don't walk over here... "Good Morning!"


Maybe my boyfriend's right and he is retarded.


...No, he he's just a dumbass. 


Oh.my.god. I HAD to be the one here when YOU called.


How do you get a butt like that?


If he looks at me one more time, I might fire him.


Ewww... she's really ugly when she yells. I hope I don't look like that when I'm yelling.
Ooo I like that balloon.


DON'T STARE. DON'T STARE. OMFG WHAT IS THAT THING ON HER FACE? OMGOMGOMG. IS IT CONTAGIOUS? IS IT ALIVE? OMGOMGOMGOMG. DON'T LOOK AT IT AGAIN OR SHE'LL KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.


Why does he talk to me? I wish he would just catch on fire.


Only 1 checkout left. Woooohoooo. Here I come, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy.


I kind of want to cook a quiche for dinner tonight..


How does a person's voice get so nasaly? Thank God I'm not from the north.


Why am I doing all the managers' work? I hate this place.


More deliveries? How many effing couches do we need?


I love fireplaces.


You can try to sell me one but I won't buy it.... Why are you still talking? ShuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutUpppppppppppppppppp!!


I bet they have freaky sex.


Some sales director. It's already 11:12 and still not at work. That bitch.


Why won't this thing open?! I bet he's starting at my butt. Why did this have to happen on the day I wore a sun dress? Please don't be looking at my butt when I turn around. If I try to pull my dress down just a little will he know that I think he's looking at my butt? JUST OPEN ALREADY!!!


Why does the coca cola guy always sound really high? Maybe he is always really high.


I really need some new Jack Rogers. I should buy a Lilly Pulitzer dress for my birthday too. Shopping online is so easy. I love you, internet.


My dog probably needs to go pee right now. I wish I could get paid to be a stay at home dog owner. Maybe I will just become a dog walker. Let me research this. No. I don't want to be a dog walker. Wait... Yes I do. Nah.


He is so weird. He'd be cute if he wasn't SO weird.


I'm jealous of your Vera Bradley bag, hooker. That's right, keep walking on by...


Going on 1:30 and still no sales director. Lazy. What a fucking waste of money she is.


I've got hungryyyyyy eyes!


Just open your web browser and enter your room number. I've said it 6 fucking times. My answer isn't going to change no matter how many times you ask, old man.


Jeebus! Do we really have to fire her tooodaayy?! I just want to read my book and go home at 3:00! 


God. I hate firing people. She is really annoying though. Eww, she's like drooling on herself. 


Begging for your job back is not the way to go.


6 more minutes....
5 more minutes...
4 more minutes...


Why does time move so slow when you stare at the clock??


1 more minute...


Where the hell is 2nd shift??


THAT WAS THE DOOR!! I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!