Problem Guest

Out of sync:
The hotel has been pretty hectic as of lately, simply because they're renovating the entire facility AND staying open to the public. On top of trying to make sure guests are happy during the construction (no complaints so far!), we are juggling a lot of overbooking. We obviously weren't overbooked at the time the reservations were made but due to unforeseen circumstances stupidity on the sales director's part, we have had to switch a lot of doubles to kings (every guy wants to snuggle his BFF, don't lie) and walk group bookings to other local hotels. In all this chaos, we had ONE night that I was looking forward to working because it was a Sunday and it was expected to be slow. What the hell was I thinking? A slow night just means I'm more available for the 3 guests I check in to complain to. Anyway, my first few check ins went smoothly and everyone was happy. I was in the home stretch with just 2 check ins left. In the middle of watching a Criminal Minds episode, I heard her. I didn't know it yet, but she would quickly become my most loved LOATHED guest. During the whole check in process she referred to me as "babe," "hon," or "dudette." Yes, that last one was dudette and yes, I was as annoyed hearing it as you are reading it. I explained all of the amenities we offer, the breakfast times and the wifi code. All of which she asked me about immediately after I  handed her her keys. How about instead of rummaging through your purse while I'm talk to you, pay attention! Anyway, I repeated myself and sent her off to her room... on the first floor. As soon as she opened the key flap and headed down the hall, she turned around and made a B line for the desk. "Sorry, babe, I can't be on the first floor. It's not like I'm 90." I happily gave her a room on the second floor. A few minutes later, she's back again. "Sorry, hon, but I can't be on the end of the hall. Too far away from the elevators! Oh and just so you know, babe, I can't be right beside them either." I found her a room perfectly in between the elevators and the end of the hall. Was that the end? NOOOO. She calls down to let me know there is a problem with the cable. Seeing as how I had been watching Criminal Minds, I wasn't sure what she was talking about and she proceeded to let me know that the mouths of the people on the television weren't synced with what they were saying. I flipped through several channels and it was only happening on the ONE channel she wanted to watch. I called the cable company and they told me it was a broadcasting issue, not a cable issue. I repeated this to her and ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. She DEMANDED that I move her to another room, which I did, and that if the TV didn't work in the new room (I knew the same thing would be happening because it was happening on all of the TVs) that she was going to be a difficult guest. Oh, as opposed to the pleasant one you've been since you arrived, you horrible bitch? In the new room, the same problem was occurring so we contacted the cable company again. They told her the same thing they told me and she started screaming at me that the cable company we use was insane. "I'M IN TELEVISION SO I KNOW THEY'RE BULLSHITTING. I MEAN, THIS IS OSCAR SUNDAY AND I'M FROM L.A. AND OSCAR SUNDAY IS LIKE A NATIONAL HOLIDAY TO ME. IF THIS ISN'T FIXED BY THE TIME THE OSCARS ARE ON, I'M GOING TO FLIP MY SHIT." Hmm... I believe that ship has sailed.

When the Oscars came on, it still wasn't fixed but finally synced up when they went live. This did not matter to her. Every time she came through the lobby to smoke, she reminded me that she shouldn't have come on such a stupid trip to this "little hick town" on Oscar Sunday. Apparently, the glamour of the Oscars had been ruined for her and that it was a big deal because SHE WAS FROM L.A. Y'ALL and she did not let me forget it ALL NIGHT LONG. Let me say it again... SHE WAS FROM LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA. Certainly not from the pretty party because it looked like she might have eaten a few models. Ten minutes before my shift ended, she came down to let me know that she was going to be speaking with the manager before she checked out. I just smiled and nodded because I knew all of the managers would be off the next day and she'd be back on a plane to the wonderful world of LA and all it's Oscar glory. If she wasn't flying on public airlines and if I was really hateful, I might have wished on the brightest star that her plane would crash in some deserted little hick town with NO TV between here and California.